The Arts

I've been having trouble coming up with a topic to blog about the past few weeks. I haven't done much with the studio, Dr. Conlon and I are still struggling to find something substantial for me to write for him and the SPLT, and there has been so much going on in me personal life that thinking of something applicable and worthwhile to add to my blog has been impossible.

I need to find a steady creative outlet. That sounds really simple and ignorant, but I've kind of come to this realization lately and don't know how better to express it. I really enjoy writing; but only about things that I care about, which really only includes politics, Shakespeare and Marlowe. I like playing my guitar, but I'm not really good at it. I love to dance, but again, I've never been good enough to do anything with it since I graduated high school. It seems like everyone else sort of has their "thing", and I've yet to find mine.

I think I was expecting some sort of epiphone as a result of my internship and am disappointed that it never really happened. I thought I would do something really substantial this semester; instead, I washed some dishes and greeted or took tickets from people attending studio events.

I guess those kind of people are necessary for the world to turn. Behind every beautiful piece of artwork is a team of people who made the boring yet essential things happen. Things need to be copywrited, non-profits need to adhere to regulations, plays need to have stages built, and paintings need to have canvases assembled and manufactured.

Basically, my niche will never really be doing something "creative" or within the arts. I think in black and white terms and I find that art has to come from that gray area in the brain. I want something tangible to grab onto when I think something up, some sort of concrete result of my actions, and art never really results in that. One person may see one thing in a painting, or read a piece of literature one way, while someone else perceives it comepletely different, and I don't process that. I want a right or wrong answer.

I am the Winnie of the arts. I appreciate and want to help, but I just don't have much to creatively add.

Networking and Blogging

Over the past week or so, I have been increasinly thinking about the significance of our internships and blogging assigments; specifically, about the importance of each and how they will eventually end up making our lives different or better in some way. I have decided that once the semester winds down, I would like to start my very own, independent blog about something that I am interested in getting into as a career path: politics. I do a lot of research and reading up on current events, factually and editorally and I don't think it's a huge secret that my poltical views fall into the conservative category. Something I have found in my research is that there aren'y many young conservatives willing to admit and stand up for their beliefs much less write publically about them. So I think it would be interesting to start a blog about what's going on with our government and in the political world from the perspective of a young conservative who would love to, one day, get really involved and maybe even make a difference. I mean, I've been involved with politics in the past in terms of campaining and lobbying for others who I feel I can stand behind, but ultimately I would really love to campaign for myself and I think a good way to get my foot in the door and my name out there, besides going to law school and racking up the credentials to make myself credible, would be to maintain a blog that others can read, hopefully find interesting, and maybe even identify with on some level.

The main thing I think people get wrong about conservatives is that they believe that they want more government involvement, and that just isn't true. I think the government, especially fiscally, needs to leave us alone and let us fend for ourselves, and I don't like being told that I need to contribute my hard earned money to a cause or program I just don't believe in. The government's job is to ensure that we have the right to pursuit happiness, not guarantee our happiness and economic success. So I think it would be worthwhile to kind of set the record straight in terms that people our age can understand and identify with.

That may not interest or mean anything to you guys, but I mention it because I really like how this class has introduced me to a medium through which I can not only express my ideas and opinions, but maybe even have someone, somewhere notice them and agree with them or make a solid argument against them. I think I am fairly well informed and try to do my own research and not follow what someone else says, but I am open to suggestions and always maintain that I don't know it all, so maybe someone might bring something I haven't thought of to my attention or explain things from their perspective in a way I've never looked at them.

I definitely plan to take the knowledge Dr. Hallock and Charlotte have shared with us and put it to use. I never would have thought to create my own blog, and even if I had, I definitely didn't know all the ways to advertise and make it better and more interesting that Charlotte brought to our attention.

In addition, Dr. Hallock was definitely right about the perks to being at the studio in terms of making connections and networking. I've already met a couple of people involved with Stetson's law school either around the studio or through others who are often around the studio, and Bob Devin Jones does a lot for the community so even to have him maybe one day write me a recommedation letter would really help me out. I never thought that a class for English Lit majors would help me with my hopeful future political career, but I'm thankful that it has and more than likely will continue to.

New Things and Assurance

I have always been the kind of person who needs assurance. When it comes to things that are important to me, mainly school, family, and friends who are so close to me that they are practically family, I really stress about whether I am doing a good job, whatever that entails. With people who are close to me, that is usually easy to judge; if they seem happy and continually in contact, I know I am doing what I need to do to maintain the relationship. School is similar in that my grades provide a gauge through which I can judge how well I am doing easily enough usually. I guess you can see where this is going... in my other classes, I have started to receive grades for papers and tests while in this class, I haven't had much to assure me of how well I am doing aside from the attitudes from those who work at the studio and quite frankly, they have been so varied and apathetic at times that I have been increasingly uneasy as the semester has progressed.

After undertaking a nearly impossible project and being dragged into working long hours and events I never really signed up for, at Dr. Hallock's suggestion, I began to work with Dr. Conlon this past week at the St. Petersburg Little Theater. I knew it would work out from the beginning; he teaches my Milton class and I was able to build a repoire with him quickly this semester, reading for his Vagina Monologues in addition to being that overeager kid in class, raising my hand wildly while everyone else attempts to look invisible (I guess the fact that I love analyzing Milton should make sense considering that a class where we get to choose our assignments and determine our grade pretty directly scares the hell out of me). Dr. Conlon is, to put it simply, really cool. Remember, this is my first semester at a new school as a senior. Dr. Conlon, Dr. Hallock, and the people in our class who I share other classes with and have been able to somewhat get to know have really made this semester exponentially easier in terms of adjustment.

I went on Wednesday to meet him, not knowing exactly what we would do or how this would play out. He immediately introduced me to everyone around, who all seemed eager to meet me and even more eager for my help, and put my to work with a nail gun, sticking baseboards to the set that was collectively being built. As I mentioned in my last post, I definitely started to get comfortable at the studio, but at the Little Theater, I immediately felt a sense of acceptance and appreciation. I was getting my hands dirty with a motley crew of others who, like me, just wanted to help, no strings attached. By the end of the day I was dirty, tired, and sore, and Dr. Conlon asked if I would like to be a greeter for The Sunshine Boys, the play for which we were building the set for and opened tonight. I agreed, and showed up earlier this evening at seven, not sure what to expect (which is definitely a recurring theme this semester) but was again welcomed with open arms by the volunteers and Dr. Conlon, who keep a watchful eye over me the whole time to make sure I felt comfortable and was being treated well.

In addition, on Wednesday I mentioned to Dr. Conlon that I didn't really have a project of my own to complete this semester. I agreed to work with Ana on Dr. Sketchy which I am excited about, but I kind of wanted something all my own. He asked what I like to do (of course I replied that I like to read and write, you guys should know that by now haha) and he segued into another subject, leaving the topic alone for the time being. Well tonight when I arrived, he told me he has been thinking about it, and spoke to the board at the theater, who collectively agreed that they would really appreciate me writing a piece on them, focusing on their 85 year old history and contributions to the community. They are extremely low on funding and the general consensus is that they will be lucky to keep their doors open for even a few more months, so it makes sense to have someone write something praising them in hopes that it might get published or make its way to the view on someone or some entity that might be able to help them financially.

So now I will be working for both the studio and Dr. Conlon at the St. Petersburg Little Theater, which makes me feel better because I like being busy and feeling like I am doing as much as I possibly can. But overall, I think the theater is giving me a stronger sense of purpose and meaning, which provides me with that assurance that I so desperately crave. I guess most 23 year old girls are sort of that way, but factor in my mother's death and other various life events and it's not hard at all to analyze me on a number of levels.

Plus, Dr. Conlon said on Wednesday, "You are either writing a novel in class or take more notes than any other student I have ever encountered in 40 years of teaching" which is something he probably didn't think twice about saying but made me feel like my hard work is being noticed :)

I Think I Finally Get IT

So my last post was somewhat of a rant, and to clarify, I didn't mean for it come off as angry or upset... I just wanted to share my experiences with the studio with the class so that anyone who has yet to run into a similar situation would be able to avert it/handle it much better than I initially did. With that being said...

The cityofwriters.org web launch party here at the studio was all sorts of amazing on a multitude of levels. Although I did enjoy myself at AMP night, slam and beat poetry are not really my thing. Expressive, spoken art is not something I am acclimated with nor do I really enjoy it, although by all means I appreciate it as art and admire the courage that those who get on stage and pour their hearts out possess.

But the web launch party was a completely different story. Based on content of the readings alone, I found nearly all of the performers engaging and interesting. I particularly enjoyed one of the female St. Petersburg Times contributors, the one who shared one of her many "bar stories". She was witty and humorous, and her piece was well written and not only did I find my eyes locked on her while she spoke (my eyes tend to wander about the room once my extremely stunted attention span reaches its maximum) but I actually found myself genuinely laughing which, due to my aforementioned short attention span and lack of lust for all that is spoken art, is a feat in itself.

I was also unfamiliar with Peter Meinke, in terms of his work and, quite honestly, had never even heard his name before. Like I've previously mentioned, I spent the last five years in Gainesville and, even when I was home, live in the north Tampa area. As someone mentioned during our last class meeting, visually, he certainly fits the bill of a poet laureate, his face featuring bushy eyebrows, thick eyeglasses, and a shock of white hair sprouting from the top of his head. Considering this, I was preparing myself to be bored silly during his readings... and boy, was I wrong. He was not only well-spoken and well-versed (as any good poet should be) but hilarious and engaging, possessing that "je ne sais quoi" that facilitated a casual, conversational tone and a relaxing atmosphere (as he was the "headliner" of sorts, he seemed to set the tone for the rest of the evening). Needless to say, I was impressed with the experience as an audience member and left very surprised at how much I enjoyed the performances.

I clarified being impressed as an audience member above for a reason. As I was crossing the bridge on my way to the studio, I was anxious, hoping that Winnie would find something for me to do as an intern so that I would be able to accrue some additional hours instead of simply being here for the show; I had not signed up on the allusive and all-important volunteer spreadsheet that Winnie holds so near and dear to her heart. I arrived early and was asked to assist James as a parking attendant. I glanced outside and after witnessing the glazed over look in his eyes as he sat there, in the cold, bored out of his mind, I decided the extra few hours simply were not worth it and resigned myself to being an audience member. Just as I went to take a seat, I glanced over at the bar and was shocked at what I saw: Winnie was alone, being bombarded by a mob of customers looking for a glass of wine, a beer, or even just a soda. I jumped up and hopped behind the bar with her, immediately taking over one half of the work and helping Winnie get through the line quickly.

After we had satisfied the wine/beer/soda/cookie craving mob, Winnie looked over at me, gave me a hug, and told me (and I quote) "Wow Tiffany, you really saved my ass. Thank you so much - you have no idea how much I appreciate you being here and jumping in to save the day". Most of you know Winnie so I don't need to explain why an enormous sigh of relief escaped my mouth and the word "wow" kept repeating over and over in my mind. After the turmoil I experienced the first time I attempted to help out when not signed up, it was amazing to not only be given the opportunity to provide service during the web launch party, but to actually be overtly appreciated and, well, save the day.

I realize how stressful Winnie's job is. While many others involved with the studio revolve the body of their work around the creative process and bringing their ideas to fruition, Winnie takes on much of the mundane administrative/hospitality tasks; handling the money, making sure there are enough snacks and refreshments to keep the guests happy and money coming into the studio, and generally keeping the place clean and orderly, and the artistic, creative people she has to work with are typically so busy and all over the place that they not only are unable to help her with most of it but probably, in all likelihood, make her job more difficult at times.

When its all said and done, Winnie does what she does because she truly loves and cares about the studio; most importantly, she believes in it, and what Bob and his team of loyal, trusted, and creative people do.

In summation, I get it now. I'm not going to absolutely love every performance and event the studio puts on because some of them are just not me. And I'm not going to absolutely love how stressed out the staff gets before events and the feeling I get when, instead of being the wonderful, helpful intern I had hoped to be, I'm just in the damn way. But it's nights like the city of writers launch party that make it all worth it and a worthwhile experience. As an audience member, I was not only introduced to authors whom I've never heard of, but I truly enjoyed their work and have a multitude of avenues to explore now in my free time. From the intern point of view, not only was I able to garner more hours toward my ultimate goal, but I was able to help out someone who does so much for not only the studio, but the community as well... and that made me feel not only useful and worthwhile but, for lack of a better term, freakin' great.

The Studio@620

As most of you will remember, I was really nervous on the first day of class about this whole experience. I wasn't sure what I was walking into, and as I sat in my seat waiting for class to begin, it became apparent that many of the students in my class already knew the professor, making me anxious about being in an unconventional class at a brand new school. Then Bob Devin Jones came in and intimidated me infinitely more with his big personality and ambiguous goals for us as interns. As I walked out of class, I resolved to visit the studio as soon as possible to ease my nerves and figure out what was going on.

A few days later, I did just that. I was confused about where the studio was located to begin with, and within five minutes of being there, had my car towed. Nonetheless, I talked with Bob for a while and, with his big personality and still ambiguous expectations of me, he was able to put me at ease by explaining that as a volunteer, I could do just about anything I want and it would be helpful one way or another. He also invited me to an event at the studio that weekend, so I decided that I would go in order to get a sense of what the studio is really about.

I thought I had it all figured out as I waltzed in the door to work my first event. I looked around for Bob, and when I didn't see him anywhere, began to panic. I introduced myself to another volunteer and at her suggestion, I went to see Winnie in the kitchen to ask what I ould help with. I was not met with cheer and relief as I had hoped; Winnie began to panic at the realization that she was responsible for putting me to work when I wasn't signed up on the spreadsheet> Here I was, thinking that everyone would be so happy to have me come and help out, now feeling completely useless and stupid for missing Winnie's email about the necessity of signing up for hours. Instead of happy and relieved, she seemed almost upset at my appearance. Not only did I feel like a moron, I was convinced I made an awful first impression on someone important at the studio I was to intern at for the remainder of the semester.

Fast-forward a week and none of this even mattered anymore. Bob had alleviated the situation by assigned me to greeting duty himself that first night at the studio, and Winnie realized the day after the event that she had gotten my email wrong and explained that she gets very stressed during events. "Don't mind me" said Winnie, and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

I guess what I've learned is to chill out and not get so freaked out when little things happen that I make them into a big deal. I have a feeling I'm going to need to heed my own advice this semester as much as possible.

Letters to a Young Artist

Anna Deavere Smith's book, Letters to a Young Artist, was a text that I not only enjoyed but I was able to connect with on a number of levels. I found the text interesting from the beginning, but once I began reading her chapter on fear, it became more than interesting; it became instructing and directive, and directly applicable to me and many situations I find myself in on a daily basis.


In order to properly express why her advice on fear speaks to me on such a personal level, some background information needs to be provided. I have always been an anxious, somewhat nervous person, but for the greater part of my life, was able to channel my fears and anxiety in productive way. I was so nervous that I would forget to do a homework assignment that I would complete it the day it was assigned; similarly, I was so terrified to fail a test or make bad grades that I over studied and went far above and beyond whatever task my teacher had assigned. In October of 2002, during my junior year of high school, my older brother died as the result of an overdose. I had always been close with him, but his death didn't affect me nearly as much as watching the misery my mother was in as a result of his death did. She was always cheerful, bubbly, and charismatic; she embodied the stereotype of a doting, coddling mother. After Glenn died, she became withdrawn and sullen and although her love for me was always apparent, she simply was never the same.


This alone wasn't enough to propel me to any self-destructive or self-deprecating behavior. It was when my mother died during my junior year at the University of Florida that my entire outlook and demeanor changed. The anxiety and nervousness that I had harbored my whole life took over all other emotions, thoughts, and intentions that I had. In retrospect, I realize this was because my mother always represented security to me. She was so coddling and loving, and I knew that as long as she was around, nothing too awful could happen to me because she always had and always would bail me out.

Two years later, I am still going through the healing process, and although I am able to cope and deal with the emotions that still emerge when I think about my mom, the fear and anxiety that consumed me immediately after my mother's death still lingers and effects me.

This is why when I got to the chapter in Smith's book entitled "Fear" my attention was immediately piqued. I especially appreciate how, instead of focusing on the fear itself that we all have in some way to some degree, she focuses on how to build up strength and confidence to make it easier to work through fear. Her analogy that she refers to throughout the book, comparing building strength, stamina, and endurance by swimming laps to preparing yourself emotionally and physically for the obstacles you will undoubtedly encounter as a young artist is one that I not only find applicable to my life as a writer and literary critic, but to my personal and emotional life I live outside of the classroom, when my mind is racing so fast that I find it impossible to read or write or do anything else but sit down and collect my emotions and thoughts.

I also found her chapter on alienation engaging because, the way I interpreted it, we share similar views on the subject. A trend I've noticed among many people in my age group is the tendency to believe that an artist loses their authenticity or credibility unless they're reclusive and rebellious, rejecting societal norms and, instead of working together, competing against one other with somewhat elitist attitudes. Smith talks about the "romanticizing" of the alienation and loneliness many young artists experience when in reality, an audience doesn't care about their angst and pain unless it somehow relates to them or they can connect to it somehow. Instead of being full of angst, lonely, or melancholy, its much more productive to channel that energy into something creative that will appeal to others. Much of her book deals with personal presence; how to carry yourself and be noticed in a room full of people without being obnoxious. This goes hand in hand with those ideas in that the next step to networking and socializing is to be likable and friendly, and no one wants to listen to someone condescendingly moan and groan all the time. This also relates to the aforementioned fear chapter considering that confidence and presence go hand in hand. If you are able to productively and appropriately express your emotions and feelings, you will be able to cope with them while maintaining your professionalism.

In short, Letters to a Young Artist was a treat for me to read, as most of the literature I study is from the Medieval and Renaissance eras. That will always be my favorite genre, however, it is always great to find an entertaining, instructive, well-written contemporary book that directly applies to my life and future. Smith's book is something I would not only recommend to someone who is studying the arts; its overall theme and messages apply to almost any real-world situation and I feel as though anyone has much to gain by reading this novel.

Introduction to Me

Aside from the angsty, pointless rambling I used to post on my live journal account in high school for my friends to see, I have never actively kept up with a blog or journal of any kind. I enjoy being me, however, I don't necessarily feel that my life's events are important or interesting enough to share with the world. That being said, I have decided to post this introduction to me because, although everything I previously said still stands, you all are forced to read this. Besides, since we all have to work together, you all may as well know where I come from, what I do, and why a UF cheerleader who loves to shop and tan would ever major in English Lit.

The literature that I absolutely love to read and analyze mostly comes from the Medival and Renaissance eras. Why? Because there are a number of things I love in the world, and some of the biggest things, such as religion and politics, are greatly represented in this era of literature. I struggle with religion because I have an unwavering belief in God (as I know Him), however, I was raised Catholic. I go to church with my father every Sunday to spend time with him and keep the family tradition alive, but my beliefs generally differ from what the Catholic church teaches. As far as government and politics go, I love studying and being active in the political world and U.S. politics in general. I believe we live in the most amazing country in the world but that our government no longer stands up for and practices the values outlined in our constitution. I plan on attending law school and getting my LLM (which is a masters degree in law) in International Law and going on to work in government and/or politics. Just like everyone else, I want to make a difference in this world and especially our amazing country; what I feel like sets me apart from everyone else is that I have the drive and ambition to do whatever it takes to get there.

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I graduated in 2004 from Chamberlain High School in Tampa. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a Gator and remember the day I received my acceptance letter from UF as one of the best in my life. I became very active at UF, joining the cheerleading team, Delta Phi Epsilon, and student government, the pinnacle of which I was the Director of Solicitations on the cabinet, reporting directly to the vice president. I worked with local and national corporations, convincing them to advertise on campus and in UF publications in order to keep tuition costs down.

My D Phi E Family :)

The event that has changed my life the most is my mother's death in 2007. When she died, it made me shut down in many ways, and I had an extremely time accepting it, much less coping with it. I chose to take some time off from school and ultimately decided to move back home and transfer to USF. As much as I loved Gainesville and UF, I needed to be with my father and brother and long-time friends. My time at home has been well spent, and I am excited to be back in school.

Me and my flier after she assulated my leg (by accident of course).

In short, I have lived out some of my biggest dreams and I have suffered some really awful tragedies, but most important is the fact that I am still working towards my goals. I don't exactly fit the mold of most English majors but I love reading and writing and I hope to find great success in this class and the internship it comes with. After thinking about it, although it scares the crap out of me, the internship we now have to experience and put on our resumes is one that many people would die for, and I am going to make the most of it so that I can get the maximum out of it. I look forward to working with everyone and attending/orchestrating some really cool events together. Later this week I will be posting about our assigned reading... this post was mainly for me to learn how this works and introduce myself to everyone and now that I know how easy it is, I look forward to blogging in the future!